getting to know me is like getting to know the underside of a comfy movie theater chair. i'm soft and cushy, but a look under the hood let's you in on all my dirty secrets. i pick my nose. kidding. kidding. that would be totally unreasonable. but i do...drum roll...lick, piss and poo at will anywhere.
on peeing...
okay okay. i want to use the box but it just leaks out. and once that happens you start to get used to leaving a little here and there until it's no big deal to just let one slide. you'd have me believe that you only have one toilet but i've seen that leak in the shower, the squatted pee in the grass. at least i'm leaking on carpet.
on pooing...
i'll give you this one. i don't even aim. i can't see the box and i'd rather not step into old mess so i just let these rip when the mood hits me. no sense spending ten minutes squatting when i can walk it out. sometimes i just keep it moving and leave a treat trail.
on licking...
i'm a nursing fool. i can't stop myself. i feel a nice shirt or blanket and it's soaked and torn in minutes. apparently they weaned me too soon. sightless runt that i was. how cruel.
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